I’m sure we’ve all heard about the infamous juice cleanse. It’s been popularized in television and plastered across the internet with claims of weight loss, detoxification, and heightened senses. There’s a huge community of juicers, and there are several juice bars near me. Last week, I was feeling pretty off. My digestive track was a mess, and I was really feeling like I need to reset my body. So I did it. I took the plunge and did a juice cleanse. The following is my brutally honest experience.
Now I did my research. I knew if I was going to do the three-day cleanse, I needed to do some prep by changing my diet beforehand. But I’m also going on vacation on Saturday and plan on eating fish and chips every day for a week, thus undoing all my hard (and expensive) healthy habits, so I opted for a one-day cleanse with minimal prep instead.
So Wednesday morning I picked went to the juice bar and picked up my juice for the day. I felt optimistic. I felt excited. I felt ready to take charge and rid my body of toxins that were slowing me down.
Juice # 1 was dubbed C-blast. Orange. Kale. Lemon. Mint. Felt like brushing my teeth.
The following quotes are from the notes I took throughout the day.
“Not terrible. First sip was actually good.”
But later: “I foresee force drinking juice by the end.”
Indeed it’s true. I had to put myself on a time schedule to get each bottle down. I allowed for one hour per bottle and kept my pace: 1/4 every 15 min.
Around 10:30am I was getting hungry, so I drank a couple cups of water with fresh squeezed lemon. “Feels good.”
At noon I conquered my monolith. Beet juice.
“First sip: borscht.” And that was the best sip. The next 300 sips I had to alternate with lemon water, and I managed to finish on schedule. Though with the extra water, I was bursting at the seams and had to pee twice within 45 minutes. It’s amazing how fast it goes through you.
Third juice: Skinny greens. This bad boy of course had kale in it, and included a kick to the back of the throat with cayenne and ginger. It started out strong, but fine. And quickly deteriorated. “So. Much. Juice.” I came so close to finishing this bottle, but just couldn’t put it down. This is where I began to hit rock bottom.
“Headache. Hungry. So much pee.”
The rest of the night was pretty horrible. I’ll let my notes from the next day explain.
“I couldn’t finish all the juices. There were seven! I had a terrible headache and was starving so I ate cucumber, avocado, and banana for dinner and some broth. I was really craving hot food. It was too late. I got a migraine and threw it all up while simultaneously experiencing the side effects of drinking veggie juice all day. 9-10pm was a real bucket of fun.
This morning we had eggs and strawberries, and I used the raw almond milk from my juice cleanse package to make a smoothie with some frozen berries. Still not particularly appetizing.
I packed raw fruits & veggies for my lunch/snacks as needed, and I brought my last green juice – Green detox. It’s disgusting.
Verdict: juice cleanse sucks.
I’ve juiced before, and I thought my concoctions were delicious. So why are all the juices I bought so gross?”
Skyler and I were really puzzled over why someone who makes juice as a profession can’t make something that tastes good. In fact, we were laughing hysterically over it when he picked me up from work. Really. Hysterical laughter. After not having food all day, our emotions were a bit frayed.
So, has anyone else had better success with a juice cleanse?
Ultimately I’ve decided that this form of extremism is not for me. My body just can’t handle it. Hypoglycemia is one of my many migraine triggers, and I need to be more careful with changes to my diet & eating patterns. But the craze intrigued me, and I wanted to do something healthy to reset my body. Next time I’ll go raw for a day or vegan. But there will be solid food.